The Thing With Feathers:” A Breast Cancer Story
by Susan Funkhouser
Above, Amy holds baby Alissa in a 1995 photo. Alissa notes, "Not much has changed since then!"
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Shown above, Amy and Alissa Graham, of Purdy, at the time of Amy's breast cancer treatment in 2014.
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Shown above, Alissa (Graham) Rehmert and her mother best friend, Amy Graham.
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Susan Funkhouser
October 27, 2021
“Hope is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all.” - Emily Dickinson
A breast cancer diagnosis feels heavy. The soul that must bear its cumbersome weight longs for something lighter, something that lifts rather than drags low, something that sustains and strengthens. Hope. In the battle against a formidable foe, breast cancer patients find hope in many sources: a gifted surgeon, a promising drug trial, a compassionate nurse, a clean set of scans, an encouraging word from a survivor, an unexpected check in the mail. Of course, family and friends serve as the most steadfast sources of hope.
When Amy Graham, of Purdy, was diagnosed with stage 2-B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer in 2014, her family and friends rallied for the fight, but Amy’s daughter Alissa offered a special source of hope.
“My mom and I have always been very close. Our interests have always been similar, so we would often stay up way too late, talking about literature, our latest favorite television show or religion. We shared a deep love for Edgar Allan Poe and Emily Dickinson! Many people I knew back then had strained relationships with their mothers, as many teens do, but I was blessed to have not only an occasional disciplinary figure, but also a best friend in my mother.”
Amy received her diagnosis during Alissa’s senior year of high school at Purdy. A gifted artist and singer, Alissa had plans to use her A+ scholarship the following autumn to pursue a dual degree in art and music at Crowder College, which required her to move to the Neosho campus. “After mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I decided to stay home for a year to help her. In all honesty, it wasn’t really that much of a decision to make. When I heard her diagnosis, I just knew she needed me. College could wait. My mom was against my decision at first, but I insisted.”
Through eight rounds of adjunct chemotherapy and a double mastectomy, the Graham ladies found comfort, strength and hope in each other’s company. “I helped around the house, doing dishes and laundry, but I think just being there with her was important to her.”
Amy agrees.
“Alissa was invaluable in my recovery,” she said. “While her peers went to college and started their lives, she chose to stay home and care for me. She cooked and cleaned when I couldn’t, which took so much pressure off of me. However, the most important thing was just her presence and love. We would binge-watch TV together or lie on the bed and discuss philosophy, religion, our feelings and whatever else crossed our minds. We became closer than ever. Her love and care made a difficult time much easier.”
Alissa’s artwork also played a pivotal role in her mom’s battle and subsequent recovery.
“Alissa is an amazing artist,” Amy said. “She painted me a picture that featured the breast cancer ribbon. She hung the picture where I could see it every day, as I lay on the couch, when I didn’t have the strength to do anything else. I would look at that picture and be reminded that I could do this. I could recover. I had to fight because I had so many people who loved me . . . so much more life to live.”
Alissa heard her own melody of hope in the form of supportive friends and community.
“The Purdy School District helped us financially during their Breast Cancer Awareness assembly,” Alissa recalled. “I was also helped significantly by my close friends, Dana (Cunningham) Fabian and Ashley (Lowery) Thomas. I always knew they were there if I needed to vent. The person who is diagnosed is not the only one suffering. Those closest to them have to struggle with the possibility that their lives may have to go on without their loved ones. This is something that people deal with in different ways, but in any case they all need copious amounts of grace, love and support. Those with the diagnosis often have outward scars to show their struggle. But their family members also have scars which need care.”
Hope sang ceaselessly in the hearts of the Graham women, bringing them through the dark days. Amy won her battle with breast cancer, and Alissa enrolled in College of the Ozarks, where she completed two years of study and met her future husband, Jon Rehmert. The couple transferred to Kansas State University, where Alissa finished her bachelor’s degree in English, which she notes, “was a degree highly influenced by my mother in the love of literature she instilled in me!”
Alissa graduated, debt-free, in May 2021. She currently works with the Manhattan Public Library.
“Though I live five hours away, I visit my mom as much as possible,” Alissa said. “We text every day and call often. I’m so grateful for her guidance and love in my life. Looking back, it’s hard to describe the feeling you get when your loved one is diagnosed with something so notorious. I feel that my mother’s illness helped me realize how fragile life can be and made me realize how important she is in my life and in the lives of every person that knows her. I am infinitely thankful she made it through.”
October 27, 2021
“Hope is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all.” - Emily Dickinson
A breast cancer diagnosis feels heavy. The soul that must bear its cumbersome weight longs for something lighter, something that lifts rather than drags low, something that sustains and strengthens. Hope. In the battle against a formidable foe, breast cancer patients find hope in many sources: a gifted surgeon, a promising drug trial, a compassionate nurse, a clean set of scans, an encouraging word from a survivor, an unexpected check in the mail. Of course, family and friends serve as the most steadfast sources of hope.
When Amy Graham, of Purdy, was diagnosed with stage 2-B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer in 2014, her family and friends rallied for the fight, but Amy’s daughter Alissa offered a special source of hope.
“My mom and I have always been very close. Our interests have always been similar, so we would often stay up way too late, talking about literature, our latest favorite television show or religion. We shared a deep love for Edgar Allan Poe and Emily Dickinson! Many people I knew back then had strained relationships with their mothers, as many teens do, but I was blessed to have not only an occasional disciplinary figure, but also a best friend in my mother.”
Amy received her diagnosis during Alissa’s senior year of high school at Purdy. A gifted artist and singer, Alissa had plans to use her A+ scholarship the following autumn to pursue a dual degree in art and music at Crowder College, which required her to move to the Neosho campus. “After mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I decided to stay home for a year to help her. In all honesty, it wasn’t really that much of a decision to make. When I heard her diagnosis, I just knew she needed me. College could wait. My mom was against my decision at first, but I insisted.”
Through eight rounds of adjunct chemotherapy and a double mastectomy, the Graham ladies found comfort, strength and hope in each other’s company. “I helped around the house, doing dishes and laundry, but I think just being there with her was important to her.”
Amy agrees.
“Alissa was invaluable in my recovery,” she said. “While her peers went to college and started their lives, she chose to stay home and care for me. She cooked and cleaned when I couldn’t, which took so much pressure off of me. However, the most important thing was just her presence and love. We would binge-watch TV together or lie on the bed and discuss philosophy, religion, our feelings and whatever else crossed our minds. We became closer than ever. Her love and care made a difficult time much easier.”
Alissa’s artwork also played a pivotal role in her mom’s battle and subsequent recovery.
“Alissa is an amazing artist,” Amy said. “She painted me a picture that featured the breast cancer ribbon. She hung the picture where I could see it every day, as I lay on the couch, when I didn’t have the strength to do anything else. I would look at that picture and be reminded that I could do this. I could recover. I had to fight because I had so many people who loved me . . . so much more life to live.”
Alissa heard her own melody of hope in the form of supportive friends and community.
“The Purdy School District helped us financially during their Breast Cancer Awareness assembly,” Alissa recalled. “I was also helped significantly by my close friends, Dana (Cunningham) Fabian and Ashley (Lowery) Thomas. I always knew they were there if I needed to vent. The person who is diagnosed is not the only one suffering. Those closest to them have to struggle with the possibility that their lives may have to go on without their loved ones. This is something that people deal with in different ways, but in any case they all need copious amounts of grace, love and support. Those with the diagnosis often have outward scars to show their struggle. But their family members also have scars which need care.”
Hope sang ceaselessly in the hearts of the Graham women, bringing them through the dark days. Amy won her battle with breast cancer, and Alissa enrolled in College of the Ozarks, where she completed two years of study and met her future husband, Jon Rehmert. The couple transferred to Kansas State University, where Alissa finished her bachelor’s degree in English, which she notes, “was a degree highly influenced by my mother in the love of literature she instilled in me!”
Alissa graduated, debt-free, in May 2021. She currently works with the Manhattan Public Library.
“Though I live five hours away, I visit my mom as much as possible,” Alissa said. “We text every day and call often. I’m so grateful for her guidance and love in my life. Looking back, it’s hard to describe the feeling you get when your loved one is diagnosed with something so notorious. I feel that my mother’s illness helped me realize how fragile life can be and made me realize how important she is in my life and in the lives of every person that knows her. I am infinitely thankful she made it through.”
